Hello again I know it's been awhile. A very long while in fact. Looking at this page, it saddens me that the last thing I posted was in April. It is now mid-June, but I am back and have a personal story I feel needs to be shared. It has nothing to do with coffee tastings or cool cafe spotlights but rather a more somber topic. This blog post is dedicated to my struggles these past couple of months with finding a career and going through the emotional ups and downs that comes along with it. It has been a very long road coming, and I feel like I need to share my experience for anyone else going through it just as harshly as I have.
Let's go all the way back to December. My graduation came so suddenly I honestly didn't know how to feel. It was like I was put into this vortex and everything around me was going 100 miles per second. Everyone I told this to reassured me that it was normal to feel like this and not to worry because new and exciting chances were about to happen. They definitely weren't wrong. The months after my graduation came with lots of laughs, new friends and multiple nights where I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. But when there are good times, the bad ones come as well.
Aside from working a bunch at Red Rock and going out with all of my friends, I was stressing myself out with job applications for my career. In the past, I had landed internships with little to no trouble at all. I thought it would be the same once I graduated. I am a friendly gal with a fairly impressive resume, so why were some of these companies rejecting me at the drop of a hat? Were my talents really not up to their standards and did I just happen to get lucky while in school? You can imagine the things I would tell myself after receiving one rejection email after the other.
When I was at work or with my friends, I was normal Taylor. I was the bright and bubbly girl that everyone was familiar with. When I sat down to crank out more resumes and cover letters, however, I turned into this depressed, stressed-out shell. Every time I sat down in front of my computer I felt like I was going into a dark tunnel that had no end in sight. There have been countless positive starts to my day that have ended in heartache every time I stepped in front of my computer. I have sat in my car, begging the world to give me a sign that things might start to come up just to be let down seconds later by another e-mail saying “no”. The pain I have felt the past couple of months have been brutal in ways that I have never felt before. I have gone through heartaches and bad times before, but nothing has stuck to me like this has. It is the feeling of being defeated by the world and letting every ounce of that subtle pain seep into your soul. Even now, where I finally feel like my life might be coming around, I still feel like something bad can happen at any second. It is the “what-if” scenarios that keep dancing around in my head that sometimes keep me from pushing forward, but I know it is what I have to do.
I guess to make a long story short; my career journey has not been what I expected. When I graduated, I thought landing a job in the journalism world would be a piece of cake. What it has been are a lot of nights filled with tears, plenty of revisions of my resume and CV and a new built up courage to ask others around me for help and guidance. These past months have also shown me that nothing is guaranteed and you really have to fight for what you want.
I am currently still fighting for my dream job. When I step back from all of my experience at State and through my internships, I know I want to be in a creative field where I can write and let my words turn into beautiful columns for travel or lifestyle publications. I know my dream job is out there, but I also know I have to keep putting in the hard work that sometimes doesn't come easily.
To anyone who may be in the same boat as I am right now, all I want to say is that you've got this. There may be times where you look at yourself in the mirror and think, "what the hell am I doing anymore?" There may be times where you've gotten your 5th or 6th rejection email in the span of a month and want to quit. There also may be times where you receive a job offer for something completely out of your career field and you want to take the job just to show off that you finally landed an offer. What I want to tell you is to keep pushing and keep putting in the work. Do not take the random job offers just because it's an offer. When you look in the mirror, say something good about you and your talents rather than selling yourself short. Keep pushing through because at the end, it will all be worth it.
At times, it still feels like I am in the dark tunnel that has no end. There are still parts of me that are scared to put out more resumes just to get a rejection letter back. I also know that I have to keep pushing through and walk through this darkness with confidence and fire. I know I will find the light at the end eventually.